Divorced Parents/Music
 |
Divorced Parents/Music |
Dear Wendy,
I have too many questions to ask! Here are just two that I am currently struggling with.
I have too many questions to ask! Here are just two that I am currently struggling with.
Both of our parents are divorced, all but his mother are now remarried. We want to somehow include each biological parent in the ceremony. The current spouses of each parent will be sitting in front of the chapel with each parent but will not be directly included in the ceremony. My father will be walking me down the isle. We are thinking about together presenting our mothers each with a rose. Is there some way to include his father. Also, is there a way to include a unity candle in this type of situation?
My second question is regarding the music at our reception. We have opted for a small, quiet and elegant dinner reception. We are having a piano player entertain with background music at the beginning of the reception, as people enter and mingle, and during dinner. After that we have no plans, the reception should continue for another couple hours or so but we don't want 5 hours of continuous piano music. I'd like to stay away from a DJ. This is more a visiting and chatting event than a dancing event (no chicken dance!) Do you think that no music at all is a bad idea? Do you have any suggestions?
Thank you for your guidance!
~Corinn DuBois
~Corinn DuBois
Hi Corinn,
Too many questions … never!
Concerning your parents. I think honoring each biological mother with a single rose is a wonderful public cknowledgment. The step mothers surely will understand the situation, and I find it hard to imagine that they would be offended by the gesture.
To include the men how about having the biological fathers hold the wedding rings. At the proper moment, the officiate asks for the rings, each father will rise and step to the altar.
As far as the unity candle is concerned, you can have a family unity candle which will include everyone and not allow anyone to have hard feelings or experience any awkwardness. I have seen this done two ways. Both ways begin with the randparents. The first is to let the grandparents light a candle and then hand it to the fathers who in turn hand it to their wives who pass it to the step fathers who pass it to their wives (the biological) mothers who in turn light the candles on the altar. The other version is to have all the grandparents, step parents and parents light a single candle all at once. The grandparents
then light another candle with the flame from their candle and pass it to the parents. The parents one by one hold their candle to the flame before passing it on. It ends with the person sitting in the front row aisle seat. The bride and groom walk to that individual and light their own candle and then walk to the unity candle and light that one. At this point, all the immediate family members are holding candles glowing to signify you will be bringing a little bit of them all with you into your new life together.
To include the men how about having the biological fathers hold the wedding rings. At the proper moment, the officiate asks for the rings, each father will rise and step to the altar.
As far as the unity candle is concerned, you can have a family unity candle which will include everyone and not allow anyone to have hard feelings or experience any awkwardness. I have seen this done two ways. Both ways begin with the randparents. The first is to let the grandparents light a candle and then hand it to the fathers who in turn hand it to their wives who pass it to the step fathers who pass it to their wives (the biological) mothers who in turn light the candles on the altar. The other version is to have all the grandparents, step parents and parents light a single candle all at once. The grandparents
then light another candle with the flame from their candle and pass it to the parents. The parents one by one hold their candle to the flame before passing it on. It ends with the person sitting in the front row aisle seat. The bride and groom walk to that individual and light their own candle and then walk to the unity candle and light that one. At this point, all the immediate family members are holding candles glowing to signify you will be bringing a little bit of them all with you into your new life together.
Now about your music. I have to say that no background music at all is not a good idea. Especially if your guests have been serenaded by a grand piano for some time. When it ceases, it becomes all to quiet and your guests may get the impression that the reception is to come to an end. I would look into a disc jockey. You need not play "dancing" music, but rather soft jazz. Another route would be to purchase a couple of jazz compact discs. Place a stereo in a central location and push the continuous play button. This option really doesn't work for
the larger groups of 100 and above. It is just too hard to make the sound travel the desired distance without the benefit of high quality equipment.
the larger groups of 100 and above. It is just too hard to make the sound travel the desired distance without the benefit of high quality equipment.
Happiness always,
Wendy
Wendy
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